A Cold Perspective!!!

A rainy day, my eyes opened to search my phone to check out the "good morning" text from her. Well it has been a custom for me these days. The 1st text from her to bring a smile on my still sleepy face. That seems to be the only happy moment at the daybreak because as the day passes the environment around me at home gets worse. 

I sit on a chair in my balcony. The cold wind seeps through my old, worn out jacket and I can feel the goosebumps rising within. Thoughts are getting rearranged within my mind thinking of which one should I think of first, me, family, her, them etc. Confused and fighting my mental confusion I jump to a particular subject and the mental debate follows to find an optimal solution. 

The problems never end, the attempts against the problem have a least probability of success and the courage to take another step makes itself feeble. I have good people around me with whom I share wonderful relations. They may help me in several situations and they will always be beside me. There are several ups and downs in my mind several times about a situation, about my condition. When will the time come when I will be independent and an ideal for somebody? How will I bring it upon me? Will I be lucky enough to stand apart from the crowd??

The prayers, the requests from god, is he hearing me? Do I need to pray some more? Shall I turn into a atheist? There is no answer. We humans are automated to try till we die. Just a kaash remains in our lives. And literally I am fed up with this word. This thought comes up very often in my mind and I hate to face it. 

Once again hope for the best..

The Tranquilizer to my Life!!

Well I am writing a blog and in my mind right now have her picture. She, I have a million things in my mind about her but I just couldn't find the right words to describe it. Also to mention, I have a weak vocabulary. :p
So I will start with whatever comes in my mind. Please forgive me if I hurt you by means of this blog.


I never have given much importance to people in my life. I have tried, tried to make people happy by doing all those things that was under my will. Still I have felt the sense of discontent from the people I never wanted to part with. Maybe because I couldn't keep them happy enough or maybe because they took my incapability as my selfishness. Maybe this is the reason for my present state of a so called maniac. There are so many maybe's which we want to solve but half of us don't find the courage and other half don't find the successful path that leads to the feel of satisfaction. My reason for so many maybe's are that I never find the courage (or take it as my ego) to approach the people and question them that where did I go wrong? Maybe I don't want to hear about my drawbacks. Again a maybe!!


We are never aware of what is to come next in life. Tomorrow is a surprise for all. That surprise may be good or bad to all possible extents. One surprise was for me as well in form of her. She changed my life. My life seemed much brighter and much happier with her. What was she? An angel, just a kind-hearted girl or.. I am out of words. She is so happy all the time that people around her can't resist to be happy with her. But for me she was the reason for my joy. After her appearance in my life I could feel it to be more stable than before. It was like the 'Brownian motion' of life have changed to a 'straight line' path, constant and directed.


I have promised her a lot of things. Lot of things for tomorrow. And she also definitely would have lots of expectations from me. Will I be able to fulfill it? Will she understand that I am trying to keep my promises? Will she lose all hopes for me? A weird, cold, angry and painful thought spins in my mind and makes me dizzy and weaken my high spirit. 
But then I realize that its the only thing she and I have got, HIGH SPIRIT. High spirit that everything will be fine as time passes and like the movies we too will have a happy ending.


I just demand one thing from god that it keeps her in a happy state like she has always wanted to be. Some people deserve to be happy, not because you care for them but because they think of others before they think of themselves.

 "She's always there for me when I need her,

 she's my best friend, she's my everything"

The Past 365 days!!

2k14! It was definitely like all the years with ups and downs and constants too. :p
I have very few 'new things list' to describe every passing year. I just alter and arrange whatever I have with me. Because changes haven't been an 'integral' part of me for a long time. Also my loved ones know what they are for me and I am happy to have them all no offense.


So the previous year started smoothly with a change in my attitude towards my loved ones. My short temper and my unstable mood hurt a lot a people. Unknowingly I was pushing away my loved ones from me. Though I realized I was too late which lead to worst conversations and lots of tears.
Some so the special moments included my brother's marriage, my best friend's happiness and finally the return which I mentioned in my previous post (A Gift it is?).
Some worst moments included my indulgence into some bad activities which definitely depended on the situation I was in. I won't regret it but also I am not proud of it.


Now I have a new thinking about life. I don't want to be impatient and lose peoples close to me, already they are scarce. "Live and let live".
I hope I am able to keep my so called resolution this year and the following years. 
Be with the best Friends and Happy New Year to all. Will be leaving you all with Brad Paisley's quotes on reference to 31st December 2k14,

"Tomorrow, is the first blank page of the 365 page book, write a good one"