A rainy day, my eyes opened to search my phone to check out the "good morning" text from her. Well it has been a custom for me these days. The 1st text from her to bring a smile on my still sleepy face. That seems to be the only happy moment at the daybreak because as the day passes the environment around me at home gets worse.
I sit on a chair in my balcony. The cold wind seeps through my old, worn out jacket and I can feel the goosebumps rising within. Thoughts are getting rearranged within my mind thinking of which one should I think of first, me, family, her, them etc. Confused and fighting my mental confusion I jump to a particular subject and the mental debate follows to find an optimal solution.
The problems never end, the attempts against the problem have a least probability of success and the courage to take another step makes itself feeble. I have good people around me with whom I share wonderful relations. They may help me in several situations and they will always be beside me. There are several ups and downs in my mind several times about a situation, about my condition. When will the time come when I will be independent and an ideal for somebody? How will I bring it upon me? Will I be lucky enough to stand apart from the crowd??
The prayers, the requests from god, is he hearing me? Do I need to pray some more? Shall I turn into a atheist? There is no answer. We humans are automated to try till we die. Just a kaash remains in our lives. And literally I am fed up with this word. This thought comes up very often in my mind and I hate to face it.
Once again hope for the best..
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