The Situation

I sit here ideal analyzing all the things and thoughts that crossed my mind since I got up this morning. The happy and the bitter moments. Its strange how just one message from your buddy gives you so much happiness and how badly it hurts when you are expecting someone's message and you never get one. Being hurt or happy is on us. Really it is and nobody can take away that from you. Its we who are responsible for our happiness or sadness. 

Today I felt happy because my best buddy said "love you bhai". Well truly speaking I never expected he would say something like this as he always been better than me in 'almost' every situation and I prayed that he would never give up his friendship thinking of me as a 'loser'. Well today's incidence was enough to reassure me that he will never do it. So I will say "love you too bhai". :p

Meanwhile I curse my mind each day and each moment. I do it because it doesn't listen to me. No matter how much i try not to think of "her" I fail. I am just not able to keep my promise to myself and my mind flashes her pictures, her smiling pictures, her dancing pictures and her leftover pictures. Yes, she is gone. And her pictures is all I have with me to keep myself alive after her. Never ever in my dreams I thought of this to happen. She, my little world, was all I had and she was the one for which I could fight anyone. Even the thought of her parting away from me bought tears to my eyes. It wasn't just attraction or strong desire towards her. I wanted to make it a life-long story but curse my destiny. I bought this fate on me I accept still not a blame but she was also responsible to some extent (very less). Now I am no more the same 'Rohit Kumar Roy' I used to be. They say I have changed. On this I will say that life without her will never be the same again.

As I was saying that we are responsible for our happiness or sadness this was the example to support the statement. I hurt her so now I am being sad and hurt as i don't have her beside me to support me though not my situations. I still wait although I know it's futile and she won't return back. Its just that my heart wins over my mind each time and I decide to wait and waste. In short I still expect. 

This 'six letter word' creates havoc in one's life both in a good and bad way. When something unexpected happens it has only two faces. It can cheer you up to the best case scenario or it can break you up to the worst case scenario. Nobody can live without expecting. There are people who say very proudly, "I don't expect anything from anyone". But even they know that somewhere in their hearts this 'six letter word' has a place. Its human nature and it is cent percent true. 

So expectations break and people are hurt. Also if you get more than you you expect it would definitely beautify your life. Well I can't say everyone to stop expecting as that would be against the human nature protocols. :D

I have learnt to expect least. So that if I get more I am happy and god forbid if it breaks again then I would not face a critical state of trauma like the one I am into right now. 

Lets see how long this new 'mantra' lasts. Leaving you all with a hypothetical quote by Alexander Pope.

"Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed"