At this time of the year many students like me are busy in studying and concluding their semester papers to take a sigh of relief after a hectic month's schedule. But me, I always find some other way/work to run away from studies because of a particular thought in my mind, "padhai to exam wali raat hoti hain." And that's what I do in the end no matter how successfully I conclude my test.
A helping hand I offer to my close ones no matter what is to come later. I realize that its going to effect me in some drastic way but I don't seem to care. I don't understand what's going in me. What I want of this life. Why this loss is effecting me so deep.
Of course like everybody in their 20's I also have a few dreams, for me and my parents. But the loss, I have made it so immense that its getting hard to escape from it.
I love music. The Bollywood songs that are soothing and used to express their love for someone. When I hear them it makes me weak. It floods my mind with numerous questions. Some songs like, 'tum ho' from movie 'Rockstar' and 'escape' from album of 'Enrique Iglesias' makes me remember her more and more, makes me curse myself. I am not demented, I am not insecure. Its just that I care to care. And my attempts to be isolated from her have failed each and every time.
I don't regret for allowing her to step into my 'dark' heart. What I regret is that I couldn't help, the darkness engulfed her and now she is shattered too.
I have a life of my own still I don't feel like living in it. There is a void so huge that no amount of happiness can fulfill it. I stay because I have a caring father and a angel mother. They must not pay for my faults. I am paying and I will always pay.
There is no going back and there is no peace. I can't even find quote that describes my current condition and situation. So unlucky I feel right now.
A helping hand I offer to my close ones no matter what is to come later. I realize that its going to effect me in some drastic way but I don't seem to care. I don't understand what's going in me. What I want of this life. Why this loss is effecting me so deep.
Of course like everybody in their 20's I also have a few dreams, for me and my parents. But the loss, I have made it so immense that its getting hard to escape from it.
I love music. The Bollywood songs that are soothing and used to express their love for someone. When I hear them it makes me weak. It floods my mind with numerous questions. Some songs like, 'tum ho' from movie 'Rockstar' and 'escape' from album of 'Enrique Iglesias' makes me remember her more and more, makes me curse myself. I am not demented, I am not insecure. Its just that I care to care. And my attempts to be isolated from her have failed each and every time.
I don't regret for allowing her to step into my 'dark' heart. What I regret is that I couldn't help, the darkness engulfed her and now she is shattered too.
I have a life of my own still I don't feel like living in it. There is a void so huge that no amount of happiness can fulfill it. I stay because I have a caring father and a angel mother. They must not pay for my faults. I am paying and I will always pay.
There is no going back and there is no peace. I can't even find quote that describes my current condition and situation. So unlucky I feel right now.
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